Research warns that Frozen Boogers are linked to Sure Death

Bleaksburg, VA.  Following reports of the area woman, who got frozen boogers during her stroll in single digit temperatures yesterday, researchers are now warning that frozen boogers are directly related to sure death.
Virginia Tech researcher P. See was heard screaming in campus hallway, "Stay away from frozen boogers! They are (like) death bombs!"

Research done at the local University in Bleaksburg, suggests that there is a strong correlation between death and frozen boogers. Dr. See was further heard saying, "Almost everyone, who had frozen boogers is now dead. Those who are still alive will die one day. I repeat- Stay away from frozen boogers!!", he shouted emphatically.

He added quickly, "If one actually succeeds in avoiding frozen boogers, one is not guaranteed not to die. However it is still very important that frozen boogers are completely avoided. The numbers of death related to frozen boogers are very important and can not be ignored." 

Earlier today officials at UBF issued a warning notice to all their poorly paid labourers and advised them to avoid deadly frozen boogers. 

University warned its denizens to not pick up frozen boogers off the grass or the snow. Students were advised to not scratch underneath desks during class as the bullies can easily plant frozen boogers there.

According to an area woman, her boogers froze during her casual stroll to work yesterday. The secret sources informed that she attempted to snort boogers off her nasal cavity when they froze mid air. The detailed news can be found here.

Area woman misses work as she frantically searches for Onion Reporters to report frozen booger

Bleaksburg, VA: Area woman is reported to be on a look out for Onion Reporters. Locals reported that she is missing work that she is actually paid to do, as she is looking around for Onion reporters frantically. It is reported that today morning the area woman attempted to snort her nose boogers out on the snow as she walked to work, and her nose boogers froze, leaving her helplessly looking for Onion reporters. 

An area man unable to comprehend her passion to get news of her frozen boogers out was heard saying,"She is so frantically running around searching for Onion reporters. I mean, man! It is just frozen booger! She is acting like like it is frozen brain or innards or intestines or so!"

Her colleagues at work on the other hand, totally echo the need for attention and media hype of her frozen boogers. One of her colleague was heard saying about her frozen boogers, "This is perhaps the most interesting scientific observation to have come out of our work group! Like ever ever!"